Sunday, October 28, 2012

A Future of Action Stars

Imagine twenty years from now when they make The Expendables 13. What actors are going to be in that movie, showing us the glory of the past? Barry and I have each assembled a list of who we think are badass enough to make the cut. And then as an extra, I had Emily pick whose team would win in a street fight. Enjoy.

by Barry

The landscape of being a Hollywood badass has changed. New badasses are expected to be good at more just making people’s heads explode and the occasional one liner… now they are expected to… you know… actually act. I also tried to vary the acting style of my picks as I think they all bring their own unique style to their films. Last, I tried to keep them young. If you’ve got wrinkles… you probably don’t belong on this list.
With that in mind… my candidates for the new age of badasses

1) Tom Hardy


Pretty much the definition of the new age badass. To be honest, before really looking into this guy post-Batman, I didn’t realize it was the same guy. The reason? He can act. In Inception he played the sauvĂ©, smooth talking, dry humored James Bond-like character that can… oh yeah… slaughter people at a rate that makes Rambo look like Ghandi. Follow this up with Warrior, where he plays the damaged, ridiculously toned fighter who enjoys taking out his emotional issues on other dude’s faces. Top it off with Bane in the Dark Knight Rises. If you haven’t seen the new Batman, words cannot explain. If you have seen the new Batman, you know why Tom Hardy is on this list.

2) Jason Momoa


Ignoring his stint on Baywatch, Jason Momoa has quickly shown himself to be the old school badass in a new age world. Start him off with Stargate Atlantis, where he played the quintessential badass. With dreadlocks, a gun that literally blows holes through the bad guys, and lines like, “When you find someone to point a gun at, you let me know,” he was everything you expected him to be. Follow that up with roles in Conan the Barbarian (obvious badass and better acted than Arnold) and Game of Thrones, where he actually asked the author if it would be okay if his character ripped the throat out of someone… well let’s just say if I had to get my throat ripped out by anyone other than Natalie Portman, Momoa would be the guy. Look for him in the upcoming feature Bullet to the Head, opposite Stallone for some more killing and axe-wielding badassery (yes, I just made a new word in honor of this guy)



3) Jeremy Renner


Most people immediately recognize him for the new Bourne movie, The Avengers, or MI-Ghost Protocol, but I remember him back in 2003 playing opposite Colin Farrell in SWAT. Regardless, in all these roles he brings a different sort of badass to screen. Perpetually calm, he has the feel of someone that will do whatever it takes, fight until his last breath, and look pretty awesome in the process. Though not particularly imposing (he’s 5’9”), he wields some fairly impressive physical abilities. Throw in some pretty decent acting in the likes of The Town and The Hurt Locker, and this guy is quickly moving up the ranks of Hollywood’s next generation of badasses. Look for him in the upcoming sequels to MI and Avengers.

Honorable Mention:

1) Jack Bauer


Yes, I know he’s not young. I also know Jack Bauer doesn’t age. Google Jack Bauer vs Chuck Norris. Now tell me where the terrorists are before I shove this towel down your throat and pull out your entrails!

2) Chris Hemsworth


Honorably mentioned because I believe his role as a badass will blow up in the next five years. With the roles of Thor and Snow White and the Huntsman to help catapult his badass career, this guy has a bright future. Plus, how can you bet against Captain Kirk’s father?

Joe's Picks:

1) Byung-hun Lee 


This is one of the guys from the G.I. Joe movies. But I am basing all of my decision on the South Korean masterpiece, I Saw the Devil. And I hope that the fact I'm making this selection from one movie speaks loudly to the caliber of badassness Lee embodies in the flick. He's slick and sexy! He has a heart full of love for his late fiance, along with being filled to the brim with revenge. He doesn't just want to kill the man who murdered his love, he wants to that man to suffer. The two and a half hour movie shows us how far Byung-hun Lee will go, and just how ruthless he can be. Magic Moment: When Lee stops Mik-sik Choi from stabbing him by grabbing the scalpel blade. The blood drips down his hand from the wound in his palm, but his face is as cool as a cucumber.

2) Colin Farrell 


Well, he's Irish. So he's got that going for him. He started our on track to be a much bigger action star with SWAT, Alexander (terrible movie, but Farrell had his moments), The Recruit, and Daredevil. Then his public life started to blend too far into his professional life and we started to see the quality of his work drop. He made Miami Vice, which I wasn't a fan of, but the bigger issue was the stories from on-set. The word coming from the production made Farrell seem like the fat, drunken uncle that made everyone nervous when he came around. Fast-forward a couple years and we saw the releases of In Bruges, Pride & Glory, and Cassandra's Dream. He was back! But not as the soon-to-be action god. Instead he was flexing his action chops. In the past couple years we've seen him slip back into those muscles with Total Recall and Fright Night. Did you see those biceps? Did you hear that growl in Fright Night? Hubba hubba! I'm glad he's starting to put the hunk back in hunkasaurous.

3) Henry Cavill 


Smooth badass alert! This is the next Superman in Zack Snyder's Man of Steel, so regardless of my distaste for the character, I have to admit that you've got to have some substantial muscle mass to pull the part off. We've got the chiseled, handsome face. He's from the UK, so we've got the accent. And for anything who saw Immortals, we know he's got the badass moves. Say what you will about the movie as a whole, but Cavill was great as Theseus. Battle wounds and blood looked natural all over his face as he screamed in battle. I can imagine great action roles for this guy after Man of Steel comes out next year. I'd also like to point out that on some behind the scenes pictures you can see Cavill's wiener through the Superman costume. It looks like he took a plus-sized slab of mozzarella and shoved it down his pants. And that doesn't hurt his badass status.


Honorable Mention:

Dwayne Johnson 


The dude is a house. His muscles are just there. He's not putting on the weight for roles, rather it's just part of his whole package. On top of that he can revitalize dying franchises, like The Fast and the Furious, G.I. Joe, and Journey to the Center of the Earth. If you need a go-to action man, “The Rock” is it.

If these two groups had a street fight, who would win?

Emily picks:


Joe's team will win, undoubtedly, for three reason:

  1. To be perfectly racist, he has an Asian. And if you've seen I Saw the Devil then you are perfectly aware of this man's stunt cred and ability to deal with damsels in tighty whitey's.
  2. If any attackers were to be of the female persuasion, Joe's team has no weak link when it comes to looks. They cover a broad spectrum of handsome and could easily woo any member of the opposite sex with Henry's pearly whites, or Colin's cute accent. Not that Tom and Chris aren't good looking opposition (because boy howdy, are they ever), it's just that they are paired with the likes of Potato-face Renner and Jason-I-look-like-I-might-rape-you-Momoa. Yikes!
  3. Four words: Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson. WHAT? An HM?! When Tom Hardy beefed up for his Bane role, he measured his success by how closely his body resembled The Rock's. Obviously, The Rock still towers over all opposition despite their attempts to build those biceps, making him the hunkiest, beefiest muscle man in town. And he's funny to boot. Winner, winner, chicken dinner.

[Ed. Note: I think the fight would be closer than Emily seems to think. I mean, Jason Momoa is a beast. While the other men on my team are chatting up with the ladies, he's be crushing skulls. I think Renner and Farrell would be a good match, but the bulk on Barry's team makes me think they might reign supreme.]

2 comments:

  1. I was actually soooooo close to putting The Rock in my top 3... then I saw a TV special called Tooth Fairy. The fact he wore a Tutu require his expulsion from my team

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    1. Ah, yes. It seems his whole kids' movie phase escaped me. Haha. I'm sticking with him though. He's still a tank.

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