Ah, the 90's: How Far We Have Changed

by Jeff

Ah, the 90's, one of the greatest times in American history. I say that with full confidence, because, well…I was alive. Boot cut blue jeans, flannel shirts, and shaggy hair were the coolest of styles, nobody could understand a word Kurt Cobain said, Luke Perry was stealing our hearts, Nickelodeon was in its prime, and who could forget those three beautiful ladies that made up Hanson? The 90’s holds some of my fondest memories, but I’m not going to bore you by reminiscing of the days of Yore. Instead, I will take you on a journey of children's films from the 90's and the more adult-oriented children’s comedies of the 2000's and today. Since I was a film student for two semesters I am automatically way smarter than you and know more than you ever will…

Let’s be honest for a few minutes, shall we? The youth of today are spoiled rotten. Playstation, X-box, Nintendos, ipods/ipads, and laptops are ruling kids. The concept of “playing outside” is as foreign as the lovely Audrey Tautou (look her up, babe city right?). Attention Deficit Disorder is as common as the beat in a Will Smith single. My jokes are as bad as Nicolas Cage’s hairline. With the influx of technology comes a new mindset in the youth which is a polar opposite of my childhood. They are growing up faster and the humor in film is becoming much more adult oriented and ahead of their time. Don’t believe me? How about I prove it to you, smart guy? Let’s compare some of the best kids' movies of the 90's to movies now!

(Warning: The films I pick are, in my opinion, some of the best. Like I said earlier, if you weren’t a film major, then don’t try and argue…idiot)

1. Home Alone 1/ Home Alone 2: In Home Alone, Kevin McAllister is forgotten by his family as they travel to Paris and then defends his home from two crooks, played by Joe Pesci and Daniel Stern. When he realizes his family is gone, Kevin eats junk food, watches R-rated films involving gangsters, and raids his brothers trunk. He finds an issue of playboy, takes one look, and immediately discards it. He uses pots and pans, fire crackers, and BB guns to defend his house. It’s a feel good movie for any kid who thinks they could do the same.

Part 2 is more of the same, but only in New York. Characters played by Tim Curry and Rob Schneider join the original cast, along with a cameo by Donald Trump. Home Alone 2: Lost in New York doesn’t steer too far away from the premise of the first one and I feel is a great sequel.

All in all, Home Alone is a great series for kids of any age due to its purely slapstick nature. I do feel that the overly obvious hints about foreign policy and the way our military deals with terrorism woven into the celluloid is a little too deep for a movie of this nature, though, but whatever.

2. A Christmas Story: We’ve all had a Christmas where we’ve wanted one perfect gift. For Ralphie, it’s a Red Ryder BB Gun with a compass in the stock and the little thing that tells time (his words, not mine. I know it’s called a clock). Throughout the season, Ralphie hints to his parents, writes a thesis, and even asks the holy man himself, Santa, for the gun and receives the same response from his parents, teachers, and Sandy Claws: you’ll shoot your eye out. In one of the most memorable scenes, Ralphie is helping his dad change a tire and loses the bolt and exclaims “Oh FUDGE” and the narrator lets us know he didn’t say fudge, but the F dash dash DASH word. It's a big moment for the little boy to let a swear word slip in front of an adult. So, spoiler alert: Ralphie gets the gun and almost shoots his eye out. This film is so relatable to everybody and force fed down our throats that anybody can love it. The feeling of Christmas, a dysfunctional family, and adventures in growing up have helped this movie pass with flying colors in the test of time, and will forever live on.
   
   
   
   
   
   Another interesting point is the obvious debate dealing with the second amendment, which is the right to bear arms. Ralphie, being the the more conservative view that every man has the right to a gun, and the rest of the ensemble being liberal with their gun control points. To each their own, I suppose.

3. The Sandlot: How could this be a “best of” list without the Sandlot? Smalls is the new guy in the neighborhood. All he wants is to make friends, gain the approval of his step dad (Dennis fuckin' Leary), and not be seen as a goofus. 
   
   
   
   
   
   One day he follows local hero Benny “The Jet” Rodriguez to the sandlot where the ragtag group of boys play baseball all day every day. After lying about knowing who Babe Ruth is, learning to catch and throw, he hits a home run using his step dads autographed Babe Ruth ball in to the yard of “Old Man Myrtle” (who is played by JAMES EARL GODDAMN JONES), whose giant dog “The Beast” leads them on the most memorable summer of their lives. Between stealing kisses from a lifeguard, chewing tobacco and promptly spewing, and using Maguyver-esque inventions to retrieve the ball, the movie is a thrill ride for children and adults alike. The feeling of nostalgia is present as the film makes you look back at your own youth and remember the highlights. After the summer, it is explained they stayed friends, but all moved away one by one. The most successful of the bunch was Benny Rodriguez and Kenny DeNunez, who ended up playing hockey for Emilio Estevez. Then there was Ham Porter who played soccer in The Big Green and then moved to the country with Pauley Shore in Son-in-Law.

Well, those are just some of the greatest children’s movies. Innocence, naivety, and slapstick humor were major elements in all three films, making them so much more relatable and great. Now let’s take a look at some of the most inappropriate, in my opinion.

1. The Shrek series: Now don’t get me wrong, I am a huge fan of the Shrek films. Originally to be voiced by the late Chris Farley and then later voiced by Mike Meyers. The film follows the lovable Ogre “Shrek” as he gets into many different adventures. 
   
   
   
   
   
   From saving princesses, befriending donkeys, battling dragons, and meeting Puss in Boots, the films are all littered with references (pop culture and otherwise) I’m positive go way above children’s heads. We see Puss in Boots being busted with a dime of catnip, an obvious O.J Simpson police chase reference, and cartoon partial nudity, just to name a few. The films are littered with these moments. There are your typical fart jokes and kiddy humor, but the film feels made more for teens and adults as opposed to the age it’s marketed for. While an awesome film, definitely not something you should take lightly.

2. Rango: One of my favorite movies of the past few years. Rango is the tale of a lizard (voiced by Johnny Depp. Surprise surprise, the Deppman playing another quirky character) who is separated from his family in a moving accident, leading to his journey: find his family. 
   
   
   
   
   
   Along the way Rango stumbles into an old west-style area of the desert and meets a group of citizens who are water deprived and live in fear of Tortoise John and his assassin, Rattlesnake Jake. After presenting himself as a hero, the movie follows a western film arc. The story of Rango’s accomplishments, exposure as a fraud, and his redemption by freeing the townspeople of Tortoise John’s tyranny, and freeing their water supply follow hand-in-hand as if it were live-action. Between taking cactus juice shots at the bar, desert animals in revealing corsets, and the overall dark tone of the movie, this is not a film to sit your child in front of hoping for a good distraction. Awesome film, but not great for the babies.

3. Fun Size: WHAT. THE. FUCK. That was my reaction after seeing just the preview for this movie. The changing of the times has happened with Nickelodeon and it has not been for the better. Long gone are the days of Doug, Rugrats, and Are You Afraid of the Dark. Instead we have iCarly, Victorious, and True Jackson VP. 
   
   
   
   
   
    The channel itself has taken a very MTV turn, showing bullshit instead of the programming they were built on. Fun Size stars Victoria Justice (who?), and her goal is to make it to the ultimate Halloween party, but ALAS, is stuck babysitting her brother. Lo and behold, he runs off and the movie follows the premise of whacky Adventures in Babysitting. Swearing is used, felonies are committed, and we get an end scene in the preview of a giant mechanical chicken banging their car from behind. It’s this kind of movie that kids will see and want to reenact and parents will refuse to take responsibility.

There are counterarguments to my argument and I acknowledge I am ignoring the Look Who’s Talking (a film whose opening scene is a joy ride with semen) or the Diary of a Wimpy Kid series (any movie with a punk cover of Justin Bieber is harmless), but it really seems we are in a transition of the humor between generations as it grows into a bumbling, party rocking, mindless generation being influenced by MTV and electronics. Fuck that, I’ll stick to the Mighty Ducks and be content. Who’s to blame here? Should we blame the parents? It is their responsibility to monitor what their kids do. Should we blame the film industry for green lighting these films? After all, they only want to make money. Should we blame a combination of the two, along with technology? Maybe... All I have to say is, THANKS A LOT OBAMA.