Does James Franco Hate Me?

Does James Franco hate me? Like, has he come to this blog and read of the entries? Did he get so offended by my fake article about him curing AIDS that he decided the only way to get all the aggression out was to make a Bukowski movie? I mean, we already have a great documentary exploring Bukowski's life, so what's the point, really? Did he read my bit about he should keep his ignorant, grubby hands off As I Lay Dying and realize he'd be really good at adapting Cormac McCarthy's Child of God? Was "Don't make this movie," translated to, "Hey, make this this other movie because you're SSSOOOOO GGRREEEEAAATTT!" I mean, I think it's pretty clear why I hate him. 

But why does he hate me so much?

On top of that, I thought he was pretty good in This is the End. Why can't he throw me a bone, and maybe, you know, stick to what he's good at and not fuck up the books I like. Why can't he just enjoy books for being books and movies for being movies. 

He acts like he's this high minded literary scholar, but then decides to take these pieces of writing that are--for the most part--unfilmable and tries to film them. Franco thinks so highly of himself that he believes he's doing the whole world a favor. 

I'd also like to point our that Franco went to school for Creative Writing (in one of the problems he's been through). So why doesn't he try to create something, opposed to shitting all over Faulkner and Bukowski? Just a thought.

Does he know who I am? And, again, why does he hate me so much?

Oz the Great and Powerful: A Review

I watched Oz the Great and Powerful last week, and while I wouldn't call the movie terrible, I'm certainly not going to call it good. I wouldn't even recommend it for someone who's bored. It's definitely a movie, and there are some good bits, but mostly there are bits where James Franco is just James Franco.

Let's take a look.

The things I liked: I thought Zach Braff did a good job. Even though the monkey effects weren't amazing, I thought the character was interesting. He is a driving force in changing Oz's ways from being a selfish son of a bitch to the kind-hearted fraud (a supposed good thing). He's got heart and humor, and then mysteriously disappears from any key moments as soon as Glinda is introduced. I was disappointed because the slave/master-friend/friend dynamic was a lot more interesting than the "I think this girl is pretty and I hope I can impress her" one.

As far as effects go, they were shitty. But the porcelain girl looked great. There was a nice tactile quality to the character and Joey King was a fantastic voice actor, bringing the character full circle. We need to get this thirteen-year-old more work! She destroyed Franco in the acting realm! (Not that it's hard). Monkey and Porcelain Girl were the two best parts of this movie, and without them the entire thing would have been a complete bust (even with Rachel Wiesz, but more on this later).

Every twenty minutes or so we'd get a little taste of the Raimi charm. He'd toss in a signature shot with a skewed filter on the lens, or a quick camera movement to disorient the audience. Every strange shot he was able to put in made me yell, "Raimi!" I just wish Disney would have let him put more of himself into this movie.

The black and white 4X3 segment at the beginning was well done. I liked the way they used this to move us into the story and mythology of Oz. It was a highlight, getting my hopes up for the inevitable  letdown of a movie that followed.

 (Interesting note: Warner Bros. actually owns most of the iconic elements from the 1939 picture, which made tying this film in with the other story a bit more difficult. They were not able to use the ruby red slippers or the specific green for the Wicked Witch.)

Now, what I didn't like: James Franco, of course. I'd like to make something clear, though. I don't think Franco is a terrible actor (even if he can be at times). I liked him in 127 Hours and Pineapple Express. What I think Franco is terrible at is being a human being. He's arrogant, fake, and unprofessional. Sadly, shitty qualities like these can bleed onto the screen when he's trying to act. When you watch a movie like Oz you can understand why his professor gave him a D. There's no disputing the fairness of this grade when you have evidence like Oz the Great and Powerful. We don't have Franco in Milk here, rather we have another Rise of the Planet of the Apes (AKA: the worst). It's unfortunate considering there are two extremely talented actresses. Rachel Wiesz and Michelle Williams do what they do best: act the shit out of their roles. The problem is because of the good job they're doing, we can see how bad of a job Franco and Mila Kunis are doing. The conflict in quality leads each scene to be weighted unevenly, thus making it obvious to the audience that we are just watching a movie. There isn't any magic to pull us in emotionally, and in the end, this is the major flaw to the picture.

I give this movie a C-

James Franco's Cure for AIDS

As the cure for AIDS spreads across the globe the praise for James Franco skyrockets. Franco (of the Spider-Man trilogy [the ones with Tobey Maguire]) has lent his doctorate degrees in microbiology and chemistry to helping the less fortunate around him. He has broken the equation that held the cure for the AIDS virus.

Franco, who was self-diagnosed in the spring of 2015, said it just felt like the right thing to do. He struggled with the disease for a year while he completed his post-graduate degrees. During that time he said he became an amateur medical doctor, claiming that since he didn’t put the time into the school he didn’t want to over-emphasize all the home studying he did. “No degree equals no professional title,” he joked.

He contracted the disease while participating in an unsimulated sex scene for Get Sexy, a deep and painful story of a sex addict trying to have sexual encounters in every country on earth. The film ends with the protagonist succumbing to the AIDS virus. Franco—who wrote, directed, produced, acted, and scored the film—wanted an actor that actually had the AIDS virus for realism purposes. He admits that it was a risk he didn’t fully come to realize until it was too late, but lucky for the thirty-five million people suffering from the virus, they finally got Franco to help them out.

“You see guys like Steve McQueen and Von Trier putting out movies like Shame and Nymphomaniac. I saw these movies and was so under whelmed by them. You know? I asked myself, ‘how would Kerouac re-imagine this story? And then I wrote Get Sexy.”

It was soon after shooting wrapped that Franco felt that deep pit in his stomach. During one of his two hour meditations he came to the realization that he was ill. He did the tests at home in his state of the art laboratory, and when his suspicions were correct he set himself to work. He was accepted into Yale University almost immediately, tearing his way through the curriculum because of his now looming deadline.

He didn’t let the load of schoolwork get in the way of his professional life. He was able to release a book of short stories, One Broken Cement Stair at a Time, along with a gripping novel, Horizon, (a finalist for the National Book Award, but failed to take home the prize against the likes of Jonathan Safran Foer). His ego didn’t need to worry, the Academy Awards still called his name over and over for Get Sexy. He took home the statues for producing, acting, and directing.

“It was a bittersweet year, that’s for sure. But I’m proud to say this will be an even better year. I mean, being accepted as part of this artist community that I’ve admired so much over the years is a dream come true. But being able to pass on the gift of life to millions of people is even more rewarding. I didn’t think anything would be more awarding than winning an Oscar, but I think I found it.”

Cool Trailer! 'Spring Breakers'

by Joe

Did you love that trailer? Me too.

I can't wait to see James "I just sucked on too man lemons" Franco make an ass of himself again. He started out with a fake gangsta emcee kind of accent, then switched to Southern? Also, giving yourself an accent takes more than just dropping one letter off of the word. He's so dumb. You know this, I know this, so let's just stop talking about it!

Secondly, there has got to be a better way for girls like Vanessa Hudgens and Selena Gomez to make that scary shift from kids/family friendly to serious movies. I mean, take a note from Ryan Gosling (his shift was The Believer), Joseph Gordon-Levitt (Mysterious Skin), Leonardo DiCaprio (The Beach), or Neil Patrick Harris (Harold and Kumar). Two of the above mentioned films are indie, to the point of near no one has seen them. One was about an American Nazi youth and the other was sexually depraved. NPH's choice was so over the top that he played himself  (it helps that he had hit rock bottom and didn't have much to lose), and DiCaprio's was this strange movie that didn't really have a mass appeal. It wasn't necessarily trying to be cool, but weird.

These girls have instead picked a party movie for their transition. They are only painting themselves into a different corner at this point. Look at Thomas Mann:

You might recognize him from Project X. It's a very R-rated comedy about some kids throwing a house party. GROWN UP THEMES! And it looks like Spring Breakers will have a similar tone.

Speaking of Thomas Mann, though, you might also recognize him from Fun Size, the Nickelodeon produced party movie. That one I'm still trying figure out. He hasn't been in a lot and his two biggest movies are probably often mixed up.

Essentially, these "adults" are now typecasting themselves as the party crowd. Do you really think Sam Mendes is going to see one of these actors drinking a beer on screen and think that makes them more appealing for one of his movies? No, but Todd Phillips might (but Phillips is also too smart to cast one of these dip-shits). The audience they seem to be trying to get away from is only a few years behind these movies (or not at all. At this point they are just setting bad examples for their existing fan base).

Do something outside the box. Robert Pattinson made Cosmopolis, not fucking Let's Get Hammered on the Party Boat. You know, because he recognized the ramifications of his choices.

Does James Franco Want Me to Hate Him?

by Joe

James Franco continues to be the worst.

He is now in a Motown band that's not quite Motown, but has a similar vibe? What the fuck does that even mean? Oh right you just--like everything else you do--take something that is cool and worthwhile, and then make it shitty. You bring the value down just by giving it a shot. So you can't really say it's the same, just a similar vibe.

A recent article at Videogum told us about his interview with  Billboard, where he talked about his musical ambitions (I can't even say that without laughing. And then getting pissed).

Cool band!

So here is kind of how Franco's mind works:

-You like to write poetry, but it's not really poetry, rather just some words stapled together.

-You like Cormac McCarthy, so you'll make some of his books into movies. But don't worry other fans of McCarthy, these will probably just be based loosely on the source material, so they're not quite the same (i.e. Fucking terrible).

-You've acted in movies, so now you know how to make angsty art house flicks. You try to use your "degrees" as proof the flicks have value, thus confirming your work as a director.

Maybe, just maybe, Mr. Franco needs to just stick to one medium. I know he's just so talented that he can pretty much do whatever he wants, and be AMAZING at it, but I think he should try to perfect acting, or directing, or writing, or being a worthless human before he moves on to ruining other artistic forms. That way he might not be the worst (JK JK JK, he'll always be the worst).

What's next? Seriously? Like sidewalk chalk?

Oh, he already knows. He's so smart. He's been to like twelve schools and only bitched about getting bad grades once!